Disciplines of a Godly Man by R. Kent Hughes Below is a synopsis from our group discussion on Ch. 4 Discipline of Fatherhood To return to the discussion page, simply close this window. Unlike previous weeks, we began this week's "study" with an opening prayer lead by our "discussion leader." We started by first reading from Eph. 6:4 "Fathers, do not make your children angry, but raise them with the training and teaching of the Lord." NCV. By no way should there be favoritism between our children as each child should be treated individually as there is a difference between bringing up boys and girls. We, you, I need to spend TIME with our kids. Since we are all fathers, the discussion was easy to relate to as well as learn from one another. There are strong opinions on the issue of how to discipline children and we all agreed that the idea of "strict" discipline is not the answer. There is a balance between being "strict" and "firm" in how we as fathers should raise our children. We all know of someone who was raised in a strict, religious, "good" family where one of the offspring "twisted" off and essentially went off the deep end. At the other end of the spectrum, we can see in today's society that a lack of discipline will lead to children who do not respect authority or structure. Today's role as a father is so different than only a few years ago. Father's of today are so much more involved in their child's upbringing. Not that any of us felt our father's were not there, it's more a difference of the role both a mother and father play in our children's upbringing in today's society. The balance between discipline and LOVE can be a very fine line and one that should not be confused. Should we be the :disciplinary" role model or the "friend" role model? You do not have to take expensive trips, give fancy gifts, or spoil our kids with materialism. What they need from us is our TIME! We need to admit our own faults, be consistent, swallow our pride, keep our PROMISSES, etc. with our kids. We need to be there for them when they need us most. What may seem insignificant to us, can be as big to them as any issue of our own is to us. Our children can be "crushed" by our words and actions. Take TIME to listen and support our kids. The role of fatherhood is important and key to our kids future. Whether we are raising boys, girls, or both, we NEED to be there for them. A "bonding" technique that we have discussed in previous weeks was the act of having "date" nights with our kids, especially our daughters. Show them how they are to be treated and RESPECTED. Create a role model for how our boys are to act and what our daughters should seek in a Godly, Christian man. Look back on our childhood and take the good and bad of our childhood and learn from those experiences. Become a better father by learning from our upbringing. All too often we as fathers put too much pressure on our kids to be this or that, do this or that, fill in gaps we feel are present in our life. Be "fooled" by the notion that we are helping them over the curve in life. Let our kids be who they are becoming and support them. As God showed us in the story of the "prodigal son," LOVE our kids with all our heart and be there for them no matter what they do, become, or are. Give our kids that "safety net" so they can grow and create their own memories and personality with the knowledge that we will always be there for them just as the Lord is always here for us. Nothing our kids do should lead us to erect a "wall" between them and us. As fathers, we need to allow them to fall and pick themselves back up, brush themselves off, and learn from that experience. Do not be too quick to "fix" or "help" them in order to allow them to grow and become who they are becoming. Never feel that as fathers we are too kind, "womanly," soft, etc. as there is nothing wrong with being a compassionate father. I have always remembered a comment by a person (Zig Ziglar) I really admire once said in a seminar I attended many years ago. He said that we can become better fathers by looking at the relationship of a Jewish father and his sons (children). I think that as a Christian man (father) we need to study not only the New Testament but the Old. Look at how Jesus treated children and follow his lead.